| A dog moving by centripetal force |
| Acapulco—bougainvillea screaming in fuchsia to passing bees |
| Alimony—bounty on the mutiny |
| An old man stuffing his pipe with dreams |
| An orchestra whimpering to begin |
| Appealing? She has all the charm of a wrong number” |
| Artist’s model : a girl unsuited for her work (Phoenix Flame) |
| As nervous as a pedestrian going through a change of light |
| As useless as slamming a swing door |
| At antique corner: “Should auld and quaint things be forgot?” |
| At beauty salon: “We never let a good curl go wrong” |
| At junction near racetrack: “A turn for the better” |
| AT moving company: “We pad everything but the bill “ |
| Barge trailing a confetti of sea-gulls — |
| Behold the warranty—the bold print giveth, and the fine print taketh away |
| Birds telling the world how beautiful it is |
| Boisterousness : when the party’s next door |
| Bombay—three-storey houses bandaged with laundry |
| Bookie—a pick-pocket who lets you use your own hands |
| Broken windowpanes which a spider had tried to mend |
| Burlesque show? Strip miming |
| Buses elbowing their way to the kerb |
| Cactus : A truculent succulent |
| Camouflage is wise guise |
| Candle shed wax tears |
| Cat walking up a dark lane with both his headlights glowing |
| Chafing dish—a gal waiting for her boy friend |
| Chain of smokers |
| Chaperoning : a spectator spoil-sport |
| Children, like canoes, are more easily controlled if paddled from the rear |
| Childrens faces looking up, holding wonder like a cup |
| Cocktail party—where they cut sandwiches and friends into little pieces |
| Conceited? Her idea of being unfaithful is turning away from a mirror |
| Conversation was wearing thin—they had almost exhausted their wordrobes |
| Critic’s Crack : It may be incorrect to say that a book was writ or a book was wrote, but it might be perfectly all right to say a book was wrotten |
| Dawn slipped into the barracks—preceded by the sergeant |
| Difference between a bird with one wing and a bird with two wings a matter of a pinion |
| Diner: “Our coffee urns its praise” |
| Dinner as uninspired as the meal a wife prepares for herself when her husband’s away |
| Diplomat—a fellow who has to watch his appease and accuse |
| Do patients in an acupuncturist’s office wait on pins and needles ?. |
| Doctor with a graveside manner |
| Dog dozing before the fireplace, one battered ear doing sentry duty |
| Early morning rain tapping out its morose code |
| Electric Fan slowly shaking its head from side to side |
| Fields of corn,nodding promises to the farmer |
| Fire gossiping on the grate |
| Fishing may be termed a disease with some men, but it isn’t necessarily catching |
| For frozen foods, “Best Meals You Ever Thaw” |
| Four fathers have formed a quartet to entertain at parent-teacher meetings. They call themselves “The Faux Pas” |
| Free Service : Immaculate white sands, laundered by wave and wind |
| Fruit and vegetable market: “Best watermelons you ever seed” |
| Garaging a car is complicated by the fallacy that there’s always room for one mower |
| Gardener is someone who believes that what goes down must come up |
| Gentleman farmer—man with more hay in the bank than in the barn |
| Glittering day when all the waves wore flags |
| Going to the beach is like going to the attic—you are surprised at what you will find in trunks |
| Gold digger—a woman after all |
| Golf—a long walk punctuated with disappointments |
| Gossip—something negative that is developed and then enlarged |
| Grey nervous cloud scurrying eastwards, searching for trees on which to rain |
| Hard cash—the softest thing to fall back on |
| He could hardly wait to hear what he was going to say |
| He flung himself on his horse and rode off in all directions |
| He had a firm chin, but lately the firm has taken on a couple of partners |
| He has a one-track mind and the traffic on it is very light |
| He has an impediment in his speech. Every time he opens his mouth, his wife interrupts |
| He never exaggerates. He just remembers big |
| He sat down like a tired accordion |
| He should be in the Olympics, the way he jumps to conclusions” |
| He sounds off on world news as if the morning paper printed only one copy—and he had it |
| He usually takes his wife to a night club —it’s the only place still open by the time she gets dressed |
| Heard in Hollywood : “He’s a character actor : when he shows any character, he’s acting” |
| Heckler—a guy who ribs you the wrong way |
| Her singing was mutiny on the high C’s |
| He’s a very forthright character. He’s right about a fourth of the time” |
| He’s got a lot of depth on the surface, but deep down he’s shallow |
| He’s the sort of chap who follows you into a revolving door and comes out first |
| Hills round-shouldered with age |
| His boredom was as plain as the doze on his face |
| His kiss was more than a peck—it was more than a bushel! |
| His snoring made it no bed of dozes for his wife |
| Honeymoon : coo-existence |
| Honeymooners casting syruptitious glances |
| Hows Business ?- Blacksmith: “Forging ahead” |
| How’s Business ? Egg merchant: “Cracking” |
| Hows Business ?- Fishmonger: “Floundering”- |
| How’s Business ? Garage attendant : “Turning over” |
| I could have been a barman….but I didn’t have the spirit for the thing — |
| I could have been a photographer…but that didn’t click |
| I could have been a carpenter… but the idea was shelved |
| I could have been a chauffeur… but I didn’t have the drive |
| I could have been a golf player … but I did not have the drive |
| I could have been a hockey player … but I could not stick with it |
| I could have been a swimmer … but I had a stroke |
| I could have been a tailor… but I didn’t measure up |
| I could have been a telephone operator—but I didn’t have the proper connections. |
| I could have been a tennis player … but I did not have the guts |
| I Could Have Been . . . a chef, but I cooked my own goose |
| I Could Have Been . . . a prompter, but I found another line |
| I Could Have Been . . . a shopkeeper, but fate had some-thing else in store |
| I Could Have Been . . . an examiner, but it was just a passing phase |
| I Could Have Been . . . an ironmonger, but I scrapped the idea |
| I told her I was a go-getter but she was looking for an already-gotter |
| I was as tense as high C |
| If a kiss speaks volumes it is seldom a first edition |
| Imagine That ! Buffet guests eating in a lap-hazard manner |
| In a masquerade party : it’s easy to tell good guise from the bad |
| In traffic jams you meet at very cross section of humanity |
| Intuition : Simply a matter of reading between the lyings |
| Is a belly dancer a waist of energy? – |
| It was the kind of day that should have ended while it was still morning |
| It was quieter than a turkey farm on Boxing Day |
| It’s not the coldest girl who gets the mink coat |
| I’ve got the kind of face that looks as though I’ve already been waited on |
| Know what they call an X-rated film ? Cellulewd |
| Lady pilot is a plane Jane |
| Landed gentry—men who are either married or engaged |
| Leaves gossiping among themselves |
| Lightning unzipped the sky and let the water out |
| Little bird not so much singing as sharp-ening a note |
| Little grey chap who would get lost in a crowd of two |
| Lot of homes have been spoiled by inferior desecrators |
| Love should be as private as a toothbrush |
| Man can often tell what kind of time he had at a party by the look on his wife’s face |
| Many teenagers come home late at night to find a parent burning in the window instead of a light |
| Marriage is like a tango : it takes two, and sometimes one has to bend over backwards to keep the dance going |
| Maternity dress–space suit |
| Moon impaled on a tall lone pine |
| Most of us have two chances of becoming affluent—slim and fat —. |
| Motorbikes clearing their throats at intersections — |
| My car is so small I feel I’m wearing it instead of riding in it |
| Names of perfumes suggest that virtue doesn’t make scents |
| Narrow-minded? He can look through a keyhole with both eyes at the same time |
| Near handmade candles: “A step in the light direction” |
| Neurotic—one who believes the world owes him a loving |
| Never underestimate the purr of a woman |
| Newcomers’ Club A budding botanist |
| Newcomers’ Club A fledgling ornithologist |
| Newly hatched termites are babes in the wood? |
| Night clubs : where people with nothing to remember go to forget |
| No girl is ever insulted by a proposition that has a genuine ring to it |
| Nothing you put into a banana split is as fattening as a spoon |
| Nucleus of physicists |
| Oblique angles: A girl’s biggest asset is a man’s imagination |
| Oblique angles: Jumping to conclusions doesn’t always make for happy landings |
| Oblique angles: Nothing is impossible to the man who does not have to do it himself |
| Old dock reluctantly released the minutes |
| Old sea captain’s voice was pitched at half a gale |
| On a reducing salon : “Thinner Sanctum” (The Safe Worker) |
| On a shop front : “It takes 13 muscles to frown and only two to smile. Why strain yourself ? |
| On demolition-company truck: `Edifice Wrecks” — |
| On electric-company van: “Power to the People” — |
| On fire station – “We make douse calls” |
| On foggy nights, streams of cars towing each other by their headlights |
| On highway: “Share your plans with the driver directly behind you” |
| On the menu in a race-course restaurant : “Filly mignon” |
| Once there was no stopping the week-end driver, but week-end traffic has taken care of that |
| Our dog is just a pup-squeak |
| Our old dog waited, his tail in neutral, until he decided whether the approaching caller was friend or foe |
| Outside the day cooked slowly in the hot streets |
| Palms whipped about with their skirts over their heads |
| Pebbly brook chattering with cold |
| Petition : a list of people who didn’t have the nerve to say “no” . . . |
| Pirate ship is a thugboat ? — |
| Possible reason for missile failures : Too many ions in the fire |
| Preamble of politicians |
| Puddle shivering in the wind |
| Puppy at the gnaw-all stage |
| Rain sliding down the drainpipe, gurgling with laughter |
| Reason banks refer to them as personal loans is that when you miss a payment, the banks get personal |
| Rickshaws moving like crochet needles in traffic |
| Roofs wet with the silent rain of moonlight |
| Secret—something a woman can keep with a telling effect |
| Self-control : Mind over madder |
| She brailled through her handbag |
| She even succeeded in making the raising of her eyebrows seem like indecent exposure |
| She gave him a look that completely unmarried him |
| She had a hip-hazard way of walking |
| She had that unique luminosity in her eyes that comes to a girl with her first suitor and to a kitten with its first mouse |
| She has long blonde hair with short black roots |
| She’s at the awkward age —too old for teddy bears, too young for wolves107 |
| She is the picture of her father and the sound track of her mother |
| She jaytalks her way across every conversation |
| She lets her mind go blank, but forgets to turn off the sound |
| She not only reads her husband like a book, she gives the neighbours reviews” |
| She plucked from my lapel the in-visible strand of cotton which is the universal act of women to proclaim ownership |
| She put a couple of blue bullets into me with her eyes |
| She was blonde and small and looked altogether too young to be entrusted with such a dangerously provocative figure |
| She was born in the year of Our Lord only knows when |
| She was so heroically proportioned she looked as if she had been created to commemorate something |
| She was trying to get her edge in word-wise |
| Shepherds bleat |
| Sight-seeing trip—guided hustle |
| Silent film —nobody in the audience bought peanuts |
| Singing is a man’s bathright |
| Smug of do-gooders |
| Snoring—sheet music. |
| So shapely, she couldn’t have fallen flat on her face if she tried |
| Society for the Elimination of Exclamation Points was recently formed. Its members consist of those people who are no longer surprised at anything. |
| Some of the films being released these days should be parolled |
| Some people conduct their lives on the cafeteria. plan—self-service only |
| Some people’s voices are hard to extinguish over the telephone . . . |
| Some women are attractive in slacks but that does not go for the bulk of them |
| Some young people think curbing their emotions means parking by the road-side |
| Someone could get rich inventing a scale that takes off a couple of kilos for good intentions — |
| Something Old, Something New. Marriage is oceans of emotions surrounded by expanses of expenses |
| Squirrel banking its earnings for the winter . . . |
| Streets dumb with snow |
| Such a wonderful day—it makes me feel the way I wish I did |
| Sun cut itself on a sharp hill and bled into the valleys |
| Sun like a melting pat of butter |
| Sunlight is painting; moonlight is sculpture |
| Surf sugar-coating the shore |
| Swimmer is one who practises submersive activities |
| Taxis cursing through the city |
| Teenage …. Addle-essence |
| Teenage girls he-deep in conversation |
| Temperamental actress —a star of rage and scream |
| The butler entered the room. A single procession of one |
| The mountains had drawn handkerchiefs of clouds over their faces for the afternoon doze. |
| The Sunset gift wrapped the day. |
| Those frightening things being said about sprays that come in tins is enough to scareosol to death |
| Traffic Lights. Too many drivers play rushing roulette on the roads |
| Train : I like to see it lap the miles and lick the valleys up |
| Twilight hour slips like a soft shawl over the great stone shoulders of New York |
| Two beautiful deer came sauntering across the grounds and stopped and looked me over, as if they thought of buying me |
| Two women saying good-bye : much adieu about nothing |
| Waiters tipical smile |
| Waltz : Teenager’s idea of a square dance |
| Well breakfasted Cat,smoothing out his overnight wrinkles |
| What is known as congestion in a train is called atmosphere in a night-club |
| When a parson rehearses his sermon, is he practising what he preaches? — |
| When it comes to getting the news round, the female is more dependable than the mail |
| When it comes to picking up the bill, he has an impediment in his reach |
| When the temperature is minus, I feel it in my sinus |
| When two newly-weds feather their nest, it’s not hard to find four parents that have been plucked |
| Winter was a billowing white canvas pegged to the frozen earth |
| Winter, gnawing away at the days |
| Woman with a very low bawling point |
rasAyana 